What would you do, if you were in my shoes?

Probably one of the illest questions anyone I’ve considered a friend or family of all time…  I don’t know if I ever fully processed the implications behind a question like that.  It’s frankly something we don’t do enough, even under “normal” circumstances.  Human beings are naturally sort of selfish/territorial creatures.  Putting ourselves in other folks shoes is something that we just don’t necessarily do often, if at all.  Typically, at least for me, I haven’t been able to do it until I was actually in a similar situation.  If the same person were to ask me that question now, I’d be able to answer it a little better.

Since the big scan, I’ve had to deal with an overwhelming feeling of loss.  Loss of time, loss of patience, loss of optimism, loss of faith, loss of energy, loss of courage etc.  Before you look at that list- remember, try to put yourself in my shoes.  If your life is on the line, it’s difficult to put yourself in a place where you keep those things tightly.  Ever since I was diagnosed, I hoped and prayed that the end of treatment would subsequently mean the end of my cancer walk.  Many things have changed, and you hope the hard times end and you can reclaim a sense of how things were before everything unraveled.  When you get news like that, even if my mind is convinced that the cancer could stick around- my heart wanted it to be gone.  Now, I have to revamp and dig into a deeper place to increase the things that will get me through.  Part of it, is remembering that in someone else’s shoes, the situations are occasionally much worse/painful than mine.

Now with that being said, some folks need a friendly word of advice…  If you don’t know what to say to someone during a rough situation- don’t say anything at all…  I repeat- don’t say ANYTHING, at all.  It won’t be considered a diss, if all you have to say is “I’m here if you need me.”  Otherwise you run the risk of saying something utterly ridiculous.  It’s super important to guard what you say around people who are struggling.  The thing is, you come off as insensitive, or like you really don’t care if you give a stock encouragement phrase.  I had an associate, say something to the effect of “hang in there, bud.”  My mouth sort of dropped…  Then I thought about it- 1) Just an associate 2)Not from bad intentions 3)could have been “screw you buddy” instead.  Not saying anyone gets a free ride based on good intentions…  But it certainly softens the blow.  Realistically, the type of support I’ve gotten is lasting way longer than one can actually expect.  I’m grateful for all the love b/c it’s no one’s responsibility.  I just hope through this next stage, people will try and wear my kicks- as I try my hardest to rock theirs.

Tomorrow I meet with the bone marrow folks- keep all this in prayer.  Also, I may be upgrading to asking not only for prayer, but for donations.  Don’t worry, it’ll be very organized and done in a tax write off sort of way.  However, on my way out the door at the ol job, and cancer is far from cheap.  I’ll keep yall posted.

As always- MUCH LOVE!

JW