The million dollar question. So much has passed since I’ve posted, but I really haven’t had the will or energy to post. I had honestly been in such a deep dark place, between 11 days in the hospital and honestly just allowing the devil to shake my faith. Here is a little gallery of the fun and excitement over that time frame:
Make sure you click on one of the photo’s so you can get the whole scope! I wasn’t sure how to insert text but I’ll break it down for you-
Arm: Since my port scabbed up and was potentially infected, they’ve only been able to use my left arm. Why, you may be wondering… Well that goes back to the great blood clot fiasco in my right arm.
Mouth Sores: So the green you see on my lips are the infection, the red you see is my mouth raw. If I could have opened any wider than that you would have saw my entire mouth inflamed- Also knowing that goes all the way down to my stomach…
The rest are pretty self explanatory- but if you have any questions you know I’m more than happy to answer!
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice- cancer is hard. Your options are so limited and life can be limiting. I’ve received so much encouragement, that sometimes has fallen on a deaf ear, but other times sticks with me in a very special way. One of the most encouraging things was listening to Seahawks safety, Earl Thomas’, mother and her cancer survivor story- which you can find here: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/texas-longhorns-cornerback-earl-thomas-iii-a-testament-mother-faith-article-1.460179. I was so impressed by her faith and belief in God that was impossible to not be inspired. God truly facilitated this meeting- and I’m still stoked!
We all struggle as humans with our own humanity. The thing that makes us flesh and blood, and ultimately the mud God shaped us in. I hate being miserable, I hate being sick, but there was no clause after diagnosis that these things wouldn’t happen. In fact, even reading the word can be disheartening sometimes because it says moments like that will happen, lol. Good days, bad days… Shaken faith, full of faith… I’m so in love with the idea of God’s return it literally makes me giddy. I know many of us share different faiths, but I can’t be afraid to tell you about one of the very few things that keeps me going. Any given day my body feels free, but many more days feels like a prison. The person inside of me wants to break free of the body I have. However, I have to remind myself- that’s not my current call. I want to project great things about the future, but it’s easy to sink in the miserable now. This however made me realize, the backdoor the devil tries to capitalize on is that “miserable now.” How do we circumvent that attack? By allowing faith to be an action word, to be active participants in what and Who we put our faith into. If I put faith into action “the word” says I can move mountains- with that being the case, why can’t my cancer be cured? Why cant I project great things about the future? We’ll see what God has to say about it, He’s the only one who can make the decision. In the mean time, my playbook leads me to one play- HAVE FAITH!!!